


Lucifer, interrupted

by FluffyGlitterPantsDragon



Series: The Joys of Public Service [3]
Category: Lucifer (TV), Scrubs (TV)
Genre: #savelucifer, Crack, Drinking, Elliot tries very hard not to be judgemental, Gen, Humor, Interviews, J.D. Is not happy, Other, Satan is not a vampire, mentions of drug use
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-16
Updated: 2018-05-16
Packaged: 2019-05-07 21:25:46
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,986
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14679804
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FluffyGlitterPantsDragon/pseuds/FluffyGlitterPantsDragon
Summary: Part 3 of Lucifer Land colliding with Scrubs World. This one is mostly just a character sketch for my own amusement and a lead into part 4, which should be much more dramatic and bloody.Lucifer drops in at Sacred Heart to help Elliot with her study.





	Lucifer, interrupted

**Author's Note:**

  * For [SatanicMe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/SatanicMe/gifts).



> See Series notes if you have any questions about why/how this happened. This work is mostly dialogue.
> 
> Thanks to SatanicMe for ongoing suggestions! and for the gift work! that's the first time I got one!
> 
> PS- given the nature of the two shows, I sort of feel like someone needs to run by on fire or something to break up the monotony of speaking parts.
> 
> \----------------------------------------

Elliot waited to meet Lucifer out in the parking lot, armed with a visitor badge in hand, tapping her foot. She planned to chaperone him away from people she didn’t want him to see today. Or them to see him. From what she witnessed in his club, he drew people to him like cats to spilled cream and he’d cause a distraction just by walking around.  

Three years of interning and residency at Sacred Heart had taught her a few things about hospital navigation. Between double-door elevators, back hallways, many medical supply closets, and cut-throughs of unused rooms, she could get around unseen when she wanted to.

He arrived at 1 pm on the nose, gleefully parking his sleek black Corvette right alongside Cox’s Porsche, in rumbling challenge. Top down, he blared music she’d bet her life had the word ‘Devil’ it in, several times. Untouched by the drive over, his midnight hair remained perfectly styled in place, defying the nature of wind itself.

 _Of course the Devil drove a Corvette_. Elliot looked it over, half surprised it wasn’t fire engine red.

 _Could he be more of a stereotype?_ Well, if he hadn’t committed to the persona wholeheartedly, she wouldn’t have requested the interview. It had taken a long month of cajoling to get him over here, between her schedule and him dragging his feet. Over the phone, she promised a favor to be returned at a later date. She couldn’t imagine what he’d want, but it wouldn’t be unfettered access to the pharmacy.

His California vanity plate read ‘FALL1N1’. _Which begged the question; who the hell got ‘FALLEN1’?_

She picked at the ‘V’ collar of her dull blue scrubs, waving him to the side door.

 

Elliot led Lucifer into the empty classroom, more aware than usual that her hospital smelled like, _imagine that_ , a hospital. She smiled, excited. “Thanks for coming in today, Satan!”

The Devil opposite did not look amused. “Please call me _Lucifer._ ” He wrinkled his nose at the antiseptic smell pervading the whole place. He visibly eyeballed the overhead box lights.

If she didn’t know better, she’d think he didn’t like her. Maybe he was moody. He’d come around eventually, everyone liked her sooner or later.

“Everything okay with you?” Elliot hopped up on a desk, notepad in hand and a tape recorder placed nearby. Her hair hung straight and loose, trademark bangs half across her face. Today was ‘pale blue scrubs’ day, with a long sleeved navy undershirt against the constantly too-cold hallways. Her soft-soled sneakers squeaked on linoleum tiles.

 _Soon she could start wearing a white coat and the world would be hers._ She put off daydreaming about things not far away to concentrate on the present, looking over the dapper Devil who agreed to put up with her for a few hours.

His voice came out dry, cautious. “As well as expected. There’s not much traffic this time of day,” he didn’t ask about her.

Lucifer sat, lounging in one of the hard plastic and metal class chairs, uncomfortably. The humming fluorescent ceiling panel lights did them no favors. The room remained as overly air-conditioned as the rest of the hospital and she swore she could feel exposed skin drying every minute indoors.

He already looked like he had second thoughts about being here. Not that she could blame him.

Numerous DO NOT DISTURB signs were taped to the outside of the door, some scrawled by hand, by her. Similar letter size paper sheets and posters obscured the glass windows to reduce potential rubbernecking. She abused the printer until Kelso kicked her off then raided the kid’s side of the hospital for construction paper and markers.

Elliot had asked him to dress comfortably. He wore another medium-grey three-piece, apparently was his regular attire. His brilliant sky blue silk button-up mocked her scrubs in both color and style. A patterned pocket square, primarily rich sapphire, occupied his front pocket. Several hospital employees she couldn’t avoid had already asked him if he was a lawyer. She figured she had a 50/50 chance of Ted making an appearance or tucking tail and staying in his office.

She probably could have used her brand new Co-Chief Resident office, but she didn’t think Lucifer’s long legs would even fit under the desk. Plus, J.D. would give her hell. He would raise a fuss if he knew the Devil was in today. It didn’t help that every girl at the party had a crush on Lucifer. Someone bought Carla a pair of devil horns, which Laverne didn’t find funny at all.

Elliot thanked her lucky stars they made it all the way to the classroom without encountering either Kelso or Cox. Turk got a look at them from the end of a hallway and unsubtly stepped quickly away, probably off to find J.D. Well, she knew their luck wouldn’t hold out forever.

She grabbed some tepid coffee from the work pot in the room, leftover from the morning shift. She drew up her feet, sitting cross-legged on the table, an attempt to at least _feel_ like the taller person in the room. It didn’t work.

Lucifer made a ‘hurry this up’ gesture, adjusting his seat on the hard chair.

“So, Lucifer,” she drew out his name, tasting it. “You know I’ve blocked out some time to have a chat and put together notes for my paper. I’m recording this conversation so I can go back and compare what I’m writing down today, okay?”

He seemed to be watching a kitten video on his phone. He jumped a little, snapping his eyes up. “So we’ve already begun, then?”

Elliot grumbled but continued. “If it’s okay, my friend and colleague Dr. Molly Clock should be here any second, and we can get started.”

He licked his lips, trying to place the name. “She was at the party?”

“No, she’s usually out of town. She’s a psychiatrist. I think you’ll like her. She’s very professional and a good friend of mine.” Elliot clicked her pen. “Also, Turk calls her the ‘Devil Woman’. I mentioned you and she wanted to see someone with, uhm, an alternate identity, and not another one of her insane patients for a change. Not that all her patients are insane, just most of them. Not that you are.” She deliberately coughed. “Ahem.”

The look on his face said he’d heard some version of that before. “Intriguing,” the tone of his voice said it wasn’t. “ _Devil Woman?_ ”

A light patterned rap attacked the door. Molly swung it open and leaned inside, casting an uninhibited eye over him. “Oh, I am a fan of the Devil already.”

Lucifer extracted himself from the chair. There was no other word for the lithe motion, casting a look back at her in recrimination. “Elli! you didn’t mention she’s a drop-dead gorgeous bombshell. Do come in,” he said, offering his palm to Molly.

Elliot bit her lip. Well, she knew how to be the least interesting person in the room. Maybe it’ll be better for her interview this way. _Just because he’s walking bajingo bait doesn’t mean she couldn’t be professional herself._

Molly just so happened to be wearing a low-cut pink top with her lab coat. Her perfect honey gold waves fell behind her shoulders like she belonged on the cover of a dirty romance novel featuring doctors. Her face lit up with her smile, dimples and pink cheeks on full display. “Hi, I’m Dr. Molly Clock.”

He gave her hand a friendly squeeze. “Molly, dear, lovely name, _and_ a favorite indulgence. I’m Lucifer. Might I comment that ‘Devil Woman’ suits you perfectly?”

“Thanks!” Molly reached up to touch his face with both palms framing his face, her bright blue eyes seeking his. “Lucifer, Lucifer, Lucifer.”

Lucifer went wall-eyed. “Pardon?”

Elliot waved. “Don’t mind her. She does that to remember names.”

Molly blinked and stepped back with a shining smile on glossed lips. “Okay, that probably wasn’t necessary in this case, but I wanted to do it anyway,” she shrugged. “I came to observe, but I might jump in now and then. Elliot told me about you and just had to drop in since I’m in town. We don’t get many Devils here. There _is_ a ‘Jesus’ upstairs on the fourth floor, but he’s not my patient.”

Elliot pulled at her scrubs and vaguely wished for the three millionth time that they were fitted. At all. She set her clipboard up in front of her, pen poised. “Okay, let’s start by stating your name for the record.”

“Right, then.” He gifted Molly a quick smile in return and sat again, leaving his phone away this time.

_Frick. Why did she have to be so darn pretty?_

He smiled winningly, as if the recorder were video and not mere audio tape. “Lucifer Morningstar, ex-ruler of hell, once the most favored son of God, also known as the ‘Devil’ or ‘Satan’ to you mortals. There’s a number of other names I’m known by, but those are the most common. Do you wish them stated?”

Elliot shook her head. “No, this is good. Okay, how about your birth name?”

He groaned. “Is that really necessary?”

Yup, he was going to be difficult. “Don’t worry, I’ll leave this out of the background information. This interview is entirely about your persona and your connection to him. I only need to identify you for the purposes of my paper, I understand it’s not who you are now.”

“Samael,” he stated, grimly.

“Last name?”

“That’s the whole name, unless you want to add ‘The Lightbringer’. But I don’t use it anymore.”

Molly sat near Elliot, peering at him “Sparkly?”

“No.”

She blew her bangs out of her face. “That’s okay, we can revisit basic information like your birthdate and hometown later. So, how long have you identified as Lucifer?”

He squinted. “How often are you going to rudely insinuate that I am not who I say I am?”

“Oh,” she hated her nervous giggle, but couldn’t stop herself. “I guess you haven’t done anything like this before? I’m collecting background information - I have to ask questions as if I know absolutely nothing about you, does that help? Pretend I’ve never heard of you before?”

Lucifer retrieved a flask from inside his jacket. “I don’t suppose there’s a bar in this place?”

“Ha! Uh, no. Several doctors would be unconscious most of the time if one were inside the hospital.” She hooked a thumb behind her head. “There’s a bar a few blocks down the way that most of us go to. They have specials just for the doctors and nurses. J.D. swears by their appletinis. Maybe that’s not a good recommendation though.”

He nodded. “Bad drinks aside, that makes sense, then, I suppose. Keeping temptations at arm’s length so workers stay productive.”

“And there you are, already in character.”

“Honestly, you’re just as bad as Ella.” He took a swig.

Elliot jotted something down. “She, uhm, doesn’t ‘believe’ you either?”

“Firmly in Dad’s camp, I’m afraid, but she is sympathetic.”

She would need a bigger notebook for this. “Dad? Your father - oh, okay, you mean God? Ella’s a Christian?”

“To more or less a degree, yes.” he sounded like it didn’t really bother him.

She licked the end of her pen. “Does anyone you know ‘believe’ you? Co-workers, your employees at the club, or friends?”

“Dan and Chloe, of course. Dr. Linda Martin, my therapist, as far as humans go. Maze, naturally. Oh, and the dozen or so deplorable humans who I revealed my true face to. Always gratifying.” he looked away for a moment at nothing, but a small smile teased his lips.

Molly arched an eyebrow. “True face?”

“After being thrown from paradise, my body burned in hell. I had an alternate appearance. Quite unpleasantly crispy, really, but useful from time to time.”

Her eyebrow didn’t budge. “Had?”

“My Devil Face, as I called it, has been taken away. Not having it to call on has been limiting, but I get around it.”

“I see. So since you don’t have ‘it’ anymore, you can’t show us then, can you?”

“What part of ‘gone’ are you not understanding?” he growled a little.

Elliot turned to Molly, nudging her shoulder. “Oh, you’ll like this - Dan and Chloe are his partners.” She pointed her pen at him, which he frowned at.

He perked back up a bit, looking mischievous.

Molly perched her face in her hands, pursing her lips. “Oh, the Devil is an equal opportunity banger? That’s a surprise. Except not,” she said flatly.

His lips quirked. “I think the current term is ‘pansexual". And it turns out I’m as perfectly happy to be in a committed relationship or two as I am having countless souls parade through my bedroom. Who knew?”

And he appeared genuinely happy. Elliot tapped her lips with her pen. As soon as the conversation turned even sex-adjacent, he brightened. He must really have gotten laid a lot as the Devil.

Molly bit her fingernail, thinking out loud. “Huh. So the Devil is happy regardless of the source of the attention on him? Imagine that.”

He scoffed. “Don’t be silly. What I lack in sheer number and diversity of partners is made up in…” he cocked his head. “Exploration of the partners I do have. It's fun to coax out-”

Elliot coughed. “Regarding just your sex life, you entertained people as...uhm, yourself?”

“Indeed. Not having to deal with the occasional religious nut who got into my pants to try to ‘save’ me is quite a load off. So consistency is a welcome aspect.”

“So, have you ever been happy with no one paying attention to you?”

Lucifer looked thoughtful, actually considering it. “Happy is a relative term. I'm happy, lately. Granted I spent quite a few centuries taking holidays from Hell and enjoying them. But perhaps not ‘happy.'”

Elliot tapped her notepad, “Okay, so let's talk about your personal life some more? So, uhm, profession. What do you do these days, Lucifer?”

He raised his eyebrow, finger on the side his face.

A nervous laugh bubbled out of her throat. _God, Elliot, stop that. “_ Right, again, questions as if I know nothing about you,” she tried a placating hand, palm out.

“This is going to get tedious. Fine. I own and run the nightclub ‘LUX’ in downtown Los Angeles. I also work with the LAPD as a ‘Civilian Police Consultant’, is what they call me.”

Molly bounced. “Oh, I’ve been there, LUX, not the police station. Nice place.”

Elliot stopped her. “Ahem. How long have you been a business owner?”

“Around six or seven years. Maze could give you the exact dates.”

“That’s not a lot of time? What did you do before owning and managing the club? Did Satan have any other side gigs? I'm guessing kids birthday parties were right out.” she asked lightly, trying to guess the way to wrangle information out of him.

“Like I said, ruler of hell. No pay in that, by the way. I took holidays from time to time, visiting Earth as I desired. This time, I retired permanently. I could probably get along without a _job_ , perse, but that would have impinged upon my desired level of comfort, as I discovered when first playing around with my time off. Managing the club requires a certain amount of getting ones hands dirty, and energy expenditure.”

This was not going to be easy. But that made it interesting. He did seem to be earnest about the job thing. He could hardly afford the car without one, presumably. He didnt strike her as someone's crazy trust-fund baby, though that remained possible. She ploughed on. “So before that time, of your retirement, you hadn’t spent, uhm, let’s call it, significant time on earth? Just vacations? You came directly from hell and bought the club?”

“Correct. Took some wrangling to decide which club I desired, but it worked out nicely. Also had to pick something that both made money and provided a good front for less legal exchanges.”

She blinked. _And he works for the police too?_ “Okay...Mr. Morningstar, how long have you- _did_ you manage hell?”

“If I had to place a number on it? Tens of thousand years, I suppose, give or take. Time in Hell passes differently than up here.”

Hmmm. _What would he do with this question._ “The earth is estimated to be around 4.6 billion years old. Did hell exist then?”

“Ah, but humanity has only walked it for a few million or a few hundred thousand years, depending on how you judge them. Hah. Judge them. That’s Dad’s job. In any case, there were none in Hell or Heaven before Eden.”

“I see.” She really didn’t. “Uhm. So who was the first person in hell?” This line of questioning was already severely de-railing things she originally wanted to ask. Molly watched them both patiently, her lips quirking.

“Oh, that one is easy. Abel.”

Elliot paused. _Wait, what?_

Molly cut in, “Abel? Biblical Abel? Not Cain or Eve, the apple-muncher? Wait, wasn’t Abel the one who was murdered _by_ his brother?”

“Oddly enough, Eve’s not in hell, no idea why or why not. Abel died first, in any case. He was an arsehole. World’s first metaphorical dick and raging sinner.” He paused as if he was going to add something, then continued. “Maze cut her teeth on him. Literally and figuratively. Those were the early days when souls just started showing up and we weren’t certain what precisely to do with them. Hell existed, but dear old Dad hadn’t exactly left instructions after I was thrown from Heaven.” he sounded irritated.

Maze was awesome. And a little scary. “Maze, bartender and bounty hunter?”

“Mazikeen, my favorite and first demon. She came with me to earth because I needed her.”

 _Of course she’s a demon. Right._ “What did you need her for?”

“I wasn’t going back to Hell, under any circumstances, so I asked her to cut off my wings.”

Molly squinted.

Elliot picked it back up. “You, or someone else, mentioned wings at the party at your place. The same ones?”

“Well, new ones, technically.”

She chewed her pen. “Technically.”

“Maze did as I requested in the beginning, and I had the severed limbs stored away for safekeeping. In retrospect, it was a huge mistake. They were stolen. Detective Decker did fabulous work in tracking them down for me, actually.” He smiled. “Her first moment of believing me, she put out an APB on angel wings, and got a hit at an auction of all things. Anyway, the ones up for sale were fakes, but it still led to the wing thief.”

“So, you got your wings back?”

He nodded. “I did, and then burned them.”

“Burned them? That must have smelled like a flaming parrot. Not that I’ve ever accidentally set a parrot on fire for any reason. So you don’t currently have wings?” she asked, not sure what she expected.

“Actually I do, the buggers grew back recently. A few times.”

Her lips felt chapped. “I don’t suppose you want to whip them out? Assuming you still have them _again_?”

“Honestly, it doesn’t usually go well for the humans involved so I’d rather skip it. When my severed wings were stolen originally, it caused quite a few problems.” He licked his lips, looking between the two women. “So, yes, I _could_ , but I won't.”

Elliot carefully took a sip of gross coffee, trying to get back on track. “So you were in charge of hell before anyone went there?”

“Indeed. We had some time to set the place up, as it were. Didn’t exactly have all the comforts of home, mind you. Still doesn't. Full of cold raining ash and it's always twilight. No natural light at all.” He shuddered. “It's not like it needed to be comfortable for the vast majority of its residents.”

“Home as in...?”

“The Silver City, as it’s known there.”

Someone knocked on the door. That someone was J.D., making a pinched face between posters and moving to come inside. Molly and Elliot both jumped, absorbed in Lucifer’s voice.

“Arg. One second.” Elliot hopped up quickly and stopped him the door when he tried to push inside. “Can’t you read? We’re busy here!” she growled in his face, attempting to look menacing.

J.D. shuffled, not looking at Lucifer. “You invited Satan in to the hospital. Nice. Now he can come back whenever he wants.” He met her stare for stare.

“He’s not a _vampire_ , J.D. That’s not how it works. And I asked him to come here. I’m writing a medical paper on him, and Molly is observing.” she didn't add that she wasn't sure this would all be worth jack squat if he did end up being a bored trust-fund baby or actually Satan.

He did not look impressed. “Ridiculously good-looking isn’t a medical condition, Elliot. We have actual crazy people in the psych ward.” he rolled his eyes up at the ceiling.

She blew her bangs. “He’s not crazy. He’s a _functional_ member of society, which is more than you can say of the patient upstairs who believes he’s dead. Or Bob, who thinks he’s an _actual_ bobcat.”

“Kelso?” he looked like he was trying to picture that.

She sighed. “The other Bob. Scratchy Bob.”

“Oh right,” he lowered his voice. “Elliot, this is not a good idea. He’s probably here for your soul. And you know how Laverne feels about that,” he bit his tongue.

Elliot shifted her slight weight, impatient to get back to work. “Oh please, she thinks I’m going to hell anyway - what difference would it make?”

Lucifer took a long pull from his flask, shifting his weight in the chair and pitching his voice at them. “You know I don’t do that. I’m not here for souls. How often do I have to explain that?”

J.D. flinched, which Elliot took perverse pleasure in.

He grumbled, still talking to her instead of responding to Lucifer. “Does Dr. Cox know he’s here?”

“Like he cares what _I_ do. He knows I’m interviewing someone for my paper. You should go find someone or something to do research on.” She started to close the door.

Lucifer broke in again, “he seems quite protective of you, Elli.”

She glared. “Well, he recently broke my heart, so I’m not feeling so protective of _him_ right now.” To J.D. “Shoo. _Go_. I’m not talking to you right now. Stop getting in my face.”

J.D. stuck his tongue out at her. “So’s your face.”

“That doesn’t even make sense.” She sniffed, fingers on the door tensing.

“If he takes you to hell, say hi to Jordan for me.”

She side-eyed him, annoyed. “J.D., Jordan is alive.”

He grunted, stepping back. “It sounded better in my head. Bye Molly, don’t get eaten or whatever by Satan.”

She threw the door closed in his face with a crack. stalking back to her desk, she picked her notes up again. “Sorry. Where were we?”

“Heaven.”

Molly snorted.

“Right. Okay, let’s backtrack a bit. J.D did say something that reminded me I need to ask you about any medications you might be on or any diagnosed medical conditions.”

He nodded amicably. “All right. No _prescribed_ medications and no previous diagnosis.”

“What about Dr. Martin? You’re seeing her for therapy, right?”

“More to bounce ideas off her. Don’t get me wrong, she’s been very insightful from time to time on the dealings of angels and demons.”

“So...she’s not treating you for anything, a condition?”

“After she came to accept my Devilness, she grew much more helpful with my personal and otherworldly problems. We didn’t have to rehash old ground anymore, every single session, about my brothers, sisters, and Dad and whatnot.”

“Okay, so Linda sees you as Satan in her practice?”

Molly was still squinting, her chin in her hand.

Lucifer smiled. “Oh yes. For some reason she fixated on the fact we’d had sex before she accepted who I was.”

“But not since?” she asked, making more notes.

“Shame. A scheduled lay is fun to look forward to. Not that it's an option with her any longer.”

Elliot felt herself getting warm. “Oh. Uhm. So have you seen any other doctors?”

“Not for _Doctory_ -reasons. Oh! I did get an STD test recently.”

Molly brushed her hair back. “The Devil gets STD’s?”

“Actually, no. Incompatible biology, in that respect. but Chloe insisted.”

Molly looked skeptical. “Whyyyyyyyyyyy?”

“That was before she was convinced I was the Devil. Now everything is fine.”

Elliot frowned at her notepad. She might not have enough paper for this. “So, you and your partners are having unprotected relations? Is that, uhm, prudent?”

“Of course. I don't carry or transmit any diseases. Never been sick. Can't get humans pregnant either. Fortunately.”

Elliot tried very hard not to twitch. “So, Dr. Linda hasn’t put you on a medication? Can I ask if you’re self-medicating? Other than the alcohol?”

“Well, I dabble in human and nature produced drugs from time to time. That’s always fun.”

 _That might explain a few things._ “Okay, a lot of people have done that. Can you estimate what and how much on a weekly basis? Maybe just monthly?”

“The Detectives frown on drug use, so I’ve cut down quite a bit in the last few months out of respect for their views. Hoping to bring them around, but it’s unlikely.” he nodded as if he were serious about getting them to partake.

“Okay, so averaging out the last few years, what would you say you typically used?” she bit the inside of her cheek, mentally bracing herself.

“Goodness. On an above average week? I guess half a kilo of cocaine. Granted, that much is extremely expensive, and I only indulged when I could nick it from the evidence lockers. I’m known to share, so divide that up a bit. The LAPD destroys the drugs, you know, no sense in wasting it.” Once again, sounding entirely sincere.

Molly nodded, “Lots of rationalization going on here, interesting.”

Elliot coughed. “Ahem. Okay, so, if we did a hair test on you today, what would it turn up?”

“Oh, like they do at the police station? Devil’s Weed, certainly. Not much else right now, depending on how far back you can get.”

“Okay, so we aren’t going to run a hair test on you.” she felt her lips twist, wondering if the test would break any of their equipment or if he was bluffing out his ass.

“Probably for the best,” he looked neither relieved nor nervous.

“How’s that?”

“My oldest brother insists that samples of myself shouldn’t be in human databases. Divinity and Humanity not mixing and all that.”

“I see. So, your brother? Amen-something?”

“Amenadiel.”

“Amenadiel, what?”

“No, I’m Lucifer. He’s Amenadiel.”

“I mean, does he have a last name?” she clenched her jaw then concentrated on relaxing.

“Well, he sometimes goes by Dr. Canaan.”

“Oh, he’s a doctor too?”

“No,” he glanced away, a trace of annoyance touching his eyes.

 _Awesome._ “So, he’s your brother. Do you have a big family, or is it just you, your dad and him?”

“I have many brothers and sisters, oh and Mum, of course.”

“How many?” Elliot crossed her arms, waiting, predicting his answer was going to be something ridiculous.

“I’m not sure exactly, but I’m fairly certain it’s over a few hundred.”

Elliot cocked her head. “So, all angels...?”

“Are siblings, yes.”

She flipped through sheets of scribbles, scanning her notes. “Whew. Laverne does not need to see this. She will go ape nuts on me. How do you not know how many siblings you have?”

“After I was thrown out, its possible more were made.”

Quick sharp taps on the door drew them again. “Now what?”

She went to the door again, pulled it open a crack. Carla leaned in with a wave and a huge smile. “Luci! I just wanted to say hi, can I come in?”

He lit up. “Certainly, dear, don’t you look ravishing today!”

Carla, wearing pink scrubs and hair back, brushed past Elliot and went in for a hug. Lucifer awkwardly returned it. She held on to him a second longer. “Still not great with that whole hugging thing huh?”

“Not a lot of hugging where I come from, no.”

She pulled back, squeezing his hands and letting them go. “Well, get used to it. I hope Elliot isn’t bothering you too much, sweetie.”

“She’s been tolerably professional. How were your nuptials?” he asked, sounding at least a little interested.

Carla waved him off. “Oh you know, near disaster. We didn’t actually marry in the church we planned on, since Turk took an extra surgery that ran over. Then showed up at the wrong one. You wouldn’t have enjoyed waiting around for no reason.” She cocked her head, eying him. “I’m going to take as stab in the dark and guess you don’t like churches.”

He nodded with a playful smirk. “Stuffy places. Courthouse crash then?”

“Actually, there was a Father in the hospital who was able to marry us before we left on honeymoon. It was so sweet of him.” she grinned at the recent memory.

“Ah. I knew a Father once. Good man.” His gaze drifted away for a split second in a way Elliot was well familiar. He shook it off, focusing on them again. “Carla dear, could you do me a solid?” Lucifer detoured to the crappy coffee station in the room, picking up an empty paper cup and lid.

“Sure? Will this mean the Devil will owe me a favor?”

“Not if I pay for it now. Can you skip over to the bar and have them fill this up with whatever they have that’s top-shelf?”

“I’m not an errand runner, you know. I have things to do,” she wasn't entirely opposed to taking a break, but she needed it to be worth her time.

He slipped her a hundred-dollar bill. “Keep the change. The cup shouldn’t hold more than-” he eyeballed it. “Six shots, maybe seven.”

Carla raised an eyebrow, not turning down the money but not yet pocketing it. “You know, I don’t think the bar will let me just walk out with an open container.”

He added another hundred. “Will that do? Next time I’ll pack more flasks and avoid the problem.”

Molly smirked to herself. Elliot found herself gaping.

Carla smiled and collected the cup and cash. “You know what? I’ll figure something out for you. Be right back.”

“ _Gracias.”_

Elliot blinked, closing the door and taking her seat again. “Do you always do that?”

“I find money usually gets me what I want. Dear cousin Carla is married now, so I didn’t think offering sex would be appropriate, though we aren't family. The Detectives frown on that too.”

“Your club does that well financially, to throw money at people?”

“The business side of things does quite well, according to Maze, but I also have some other resources.” he pulled out what looked suspiciously like a silver cigarette case.

“Such as?” she really wanted to hear this one, but kept an eye on the case.

“The buying and selling of artifacts. Once in a while on previous holidays out of Hell, I acquired items from time to time that gained considerable value, as judged by human standards. They paid for the club, penthouse and the paperwork for the place.”

“But you never bought yourself, uhm, a false identity to go with it?”

“I like being who I am. Why change that?” he asked, frowning slightly.

“I guess that means you don’t have a travel visa?”

“Nope.”

“So, Lucifer, I guess that means you aren’t actually British either?” she glanced at Molly, who looked like she hadn't blinked since he started talking.

“No, but the accent is fun, isn’t it? English is hardly the only language I speak.”

Elliot bit her lip. She knew he spoke Spanish. _“_ _Sprichst du Deutsch?”_

_“Da.”_

_“Que diriez-vous du français?”_

_“Oui.”_

Huh. “You drive without a license?”

“I don’t have one, so yes.”

“How has that never been - actually, don’t answer that.” Elliot rubbed her dry eyes, reminding herself to buy eye drops later. “Okay, let’s see if there’s anything else I can ask you that won’t make my brain melt. Also, you can't smoke in here.”

Molly tapped her chin, looking down her nose at Lucifer. “You believe yourself, don’t you?”

“How’s that?” he unhappily closed his case but held onto a cigarette, playing with it.

Elliot scratched her head, half-distracted by her scribbled writing. “Huh?”

Molly nodded sharply. “You one hundred percent believe you _are_ The Prince of Darkness.”

She shrugged. “Duh, that’s why I asked him to come by,” she tilted her head at her.

Molly nodded. “No, I mean, there’s no extra layer in there. He’s not thinking about how to ‘be the Devil but not ‘Jack’ or ‘Tom’.’ He just is. I am surprised he says he hasn’t been ‘up here’ that long.”

Lucifer gave her a full smile. “Well thank you Molly, it’s nice to be believed for a change.”

Molly waved a finger at him. “Uh-uh. I didn’t say I believed you, I said you believe yourself. Not that we don’t have people upstairs who aren’t similar, but they also have lapses where they revert. They sometimes lose focus, forget details of who they think they are, or were. They have frantic energy, not this casual overlay you seem to be doing. Or it would be an overlay if I felt like something or someone else was under there.”

Carla knocked and came back with a full cup of booze. “Hey, sexy Devil, I found you something.”

“That was fast, thank you, love,” he accepted the drink, tucking away the cig in a pocket.

“Actually, Janitor told me about Dr. Kelso’s secret drawer stash. We’re splitting the finders fee. Bye!”

Elliot thought the Devil would react badly to that statement, but he just grinned and gave her a two-fingered salute. “Well done,” he took a sip of the stuff as if it were coffee, tilting it back with a gulp. “Hmm...Tequila, not bad.”

Molly raised her perfect eyebrows but otherwise didn’t comment on the drink. They could smell the hard liquor from a few feet away. She did however, follow up on his question. “We’re doctors. If I believe all of my patients - and what they said was true - we have a bunch of time travelers upstairs.”

“You’re as bad as the Detectives. Requiring physical proof of every little thing,” he smacked his lips and re-crossed his long legs, looking more comfortable.

Elliot felt a bit relieved. “Well, it’s nice to know our LAPD still has high standards. You gave them proof?”

“Inadvertently. But they recovered from Divinity exposure quite nicely. The man who stole my original wings didn’t do so well.” Lucifer cocked his head around another drink. “You might even have him somewhere in your system, come to think of it.”

Molly and Elliot squinted at each other. Molly would definitely go poking around in her files for anyone who received treatment for ‘exposure to angel wings.’

Elliot continued. “Okay, so no hair samples, no other samples.” She brushed her hand through her hair. “Do you like working with the police?”

“Oh, yes, definitely. The nightclub is fun but much less satisfying than catching criminals. I didn't think I'd enjoy it as much as I do.”

“And they haven’t had any issues ‘working with The Devil’?” _The Devil working for the police. Maybe I need to make a trip down there too, interview his colleagues._

He smirked. He did that a lot. “Well, not after I’d won them over with my vast array of talents.”

 _I still want to know about your vast array of ‘talents’_. She coughed. “What do you do there that makes you valuable enough to keep around?”

“Well, I do this one bit all the time there, so I guess I can show you something I do with suspects. If this wasn’t for your research, however, I’d consider it an abuse of my powers.”

Both women leaned forward.

He pointed between them. “Eenie, meenie, minie - _Molly_.” He got up, doing his stalking tiger walk thing, gently touching the tip of her chin with a forefinger, bringing his eyes level to hers. His voice dropped into low and seductive tones. “You’re a lovely young woman, talented, dedicated, focused. Strikingly beautiful on the outside, but does your soul crave something dark? Is there more you’re looking for?”

Elliot made a noise in her throat. Molly’s azure blue eyes focused, latching onto his. “I want to stop traveling every-damn-where for my job.”

“And? Anything else? Anything really illicit? Surely you can do better than _that_.”

Molly wetted her lips, looking inward. “I want to tell Elliot I have a screaming hot lesbian fantasy that involves her.”

She blinked. The spell broke.

Unsettled, Elliot waved it off with a nervous chuckle. “Oh, please, _everyone_ has a hot lesbian fantasy involving me.”

Molly blushed, then appeared thoughtful. “Okay, that was weird. But, yeah, I do. It’s like he compelled me to tell a truth.”

She glanced at her friend. “You’re straight though?”

She cocked her head. “Not entirely. I'm bi, but leaning more toward men the last few years.” Molly stretched the back of her neck. “I don't wanna fuck up our friendship and I know you aren't into vaginas. But I'd totally bang you under other circumstances.”

Elliot blushed and cleared her throat, trying not to look at Molly's boobs. She jerked up, drawn by motion outside their room. For some reason, a few male interns seemed focused on the classroom windows from outside, as well as one tall man in surgical scrubs.

Elliot gritted her teeth and barked, “SHOE SHOPPING!” _Every frickin time._

They blinked and wandered off.

Molly straightened in her seat, watching him retake his, like this was a normal thing that happened here. “So that’s your trick? Lightning hypnosis?”

“No trick. And it often works well on suspects during interrogations. It tends to speed up case solving if I can get them to spill the beans. Sometimes it even helps by revealing innocent suspects and we can let them go sooner.”

Elliot checked her recorder. “They take your word on those? Taking the Devil’s word for it can’t  be regular police practice, right?”

“Not always. Usually it does lead to finding evidence faster, one way or another. I understand the Detective’s case closing rate has increased significantly since I signed on.” he drained the coffee cup of tequila. “Ah, much better.”

Molly stood, took the cup from him and sniffed it.

“What?”

She tasted the rim, licking an edge he hadn't drunk from. “That was at minimum six shots of 80 proof booze. Even the doctors I go drinking with tend to space it out a bit,” she placed the cup on a table next to her.

New rapid tapping, again ignoring the signs, came at the glass wall. _Now what?_ Looking up, she detected a hint of boingy curls traveling above one of her many signs. The taps traveled across the windows, all the way to the door, and kept going. “Ah, hell. Lucifer, I might ask you to do that thing again.”

“Oh?”

She got up, again. “Dr. Cox is here. My pager hasn’t gone off, so none of my patients are dying, meaning he just decided to come be a pain in my ass.”

“Your boss, right?” Lucifer stood, pulling his jacket straight, bringing himself up to his full height. “Quick question, do you hate him or like him?”

Elliot, hand on the door, hesitated. “I respect him.” She ran her fingers through her hair nervously and pulled the door open. “Dr. Cox? Can I help you?”

A lean, tall man had an elbow on the doorframe. “Hello, Barbie. Scarlett tells me you let Satan into the building. Normally I’d assume that Kelso got locked out and for some godforsaken reason you let him back in. However, Dr. Kelso was standing right next to me, so I can only assume he meant your new friend here-” He cut off to lean into the room, “-who looks very much _not_ like a crazy person, or any of our other friends upstairs.”

“I’m interviewing him for a medical paper. Honestly, I should have just sent out a memo. Dr. Clock is helping me. Now, are you going to come in, or close the door and scoot before you suck all the air out of the room?”

Molly waved cheerfully around Elliot. Cox didn’t respond to her.

“Fine.” he stepped in. “Mostly I wanted to see why you blocked off this room for three hours when you could have just gone upstairs to the psych ward. Or maybe no one is coding and I’m avoiding your bestie who appears to be pacing a hole in the lounge floor.”

Elliot pointed her notepad at him. “Because he’s not crazy, I think. And I don’t need actual crazy patients tackling him. Or me. That floor is not exactly conducive to quiet discussions.” She blew her bangs out again. “Dr. Cox, come meet Lucifer Morningstar, he owns a nightclub downtown, and he’s...The Devil. Lucifer, meet my attending, Perry Cox. He more or less runs the whole show here.”

Measuring them up, Cox was no more than an inch shorter than Lucifer. The Devil and Doctor shook hands. Lucifer smiled disarmingly. “Pleased to make your acquaintance.”

“Hmm. Whatcha doing topside, Satan? If you’re here for my ex-wife-”

He rolled his eyes. “Save the joke, please, Jordan is a lovely woman. I’m pleased she came out to the club.”

Cox narrowed his eyes. “She’s evil incarnate. Did you sleep with her?” his tone flat, unassuming.

“Not at all. A few months ago, I certainly would have considered it, but I’m currently claimed by others who wouldn’t appreciate a dalliance.”

“You don’t have a problem volunteering that information?” Cox's face or voice hadn't altered since coming in.

“You don’t seem to have a problem asking,” he pointed out. Lucifer fished his cigarette back out to play with it.

“Fair enough. So it turns out the Devil is a tall, dark and handsome fellow from L.A. That’s not ironic at all.”

“From Hell. I only relocated to L.A. in the last decade,” he pointed the cigarette. “Can't help my looks, or creation status. But I did choose Las Angeles for the name. And glamour.”

“My bad. What makes you so special that Reid here took an interest?”

Lucifer looked at Elliot. “You tell me. I agreed because of a request from Carla.”

Cox snorted. “Right, Jordan mentioned something about an estrogen festival somewhere recently.”

Elliot cleared her throat. “I asked Lucifer here for my write up because he’s _actually_ the literal Devil. Visiting us from hell, on extended vacation, and slash or permanent retirement.”

Molly cocked her head. “Is this part of the thing?”

She responded to Molly, leaning toward her. “I’m playing along, I want to see how interactions go when I’m _not_ falling over drunk. So, Dr. Cox, you have actual Satan here in at Sacred Heart, and no, the irony is not lost on me. What do you do?”

Dr. Cox eyed the three of them, focusing on Lucifer. “Wanna get a drink?”

The Devil had his flask out again, tipping it to check for weight. “I thought you’d never ask. I could do with a re-up.”

Elliot intervened. “After we’re done, okay? Then we’ll all get crazy drunk down the way.”

Lucifer agreed, “It’s a deal.” After a pause. “Are we done yet?”

Dr. Cox hmmfp’d. “So you do deals? Typical. In exchange for?”

“Favors. Obviously I don’t need the cash, and managing a network of souls who owe me at a variety of levels is quite helpful with my own affairs and police work. So, what would you make a deal for?”

Dr. Cox did that hand-nose flick thing. “Keep the damn reapers away for a few hours longer. Put in a word with the big fella upstairs to make people regrow organs, that’d be helpful, and solve at least half our problems.”

“Dad and I aren’t on good terms. There are no grim reapers, so I’m afraid I can’t help there either. I’d suggest you talk to Dad yourself, but He doesn’t tend to respond.”

He crossed his arms. “At least you didn’t pretend otherwise. I’d have you thrown out on your ear if you went around to patients and making false promises or fake trades.”

“As well you should. I consider myself to have a great deal of integrity. I don’t lie. I won’t make a deal I can’t hold my end up of.”

Cox’s gaze went flat. “Satan doesn’t lie, eh?”

Elliot and Molly simultaneously adjusted their seats, watching in rapt attention.

“Never.”

“Okay, patron saint of black cats and loose floor Legos, riddle me this. Why does God hate us?”

Lucifer drew back. “Hate you? He might be a negligent and absent parent, but He doesn’t hate you lot. Granted, I can see how you feel that way, He’s a bit of a bugger. I suspect, however, that’s not the question you really want to ask, is it?” Lucifer wandered closer, his eyes coming up.

Cox didn’t blink. He clenched his jaw.

“There is something you want to ask that you think I might know, isn’t there? Something personal, that perhaps only the Devil would know, or could find out?”

Elliot aggressively took notes.

He shook his head with a flat, grim smile that didn’t reach his eyes. “Not today, Beelzebub. I need a lot of drinks in me before I do that.”

Lucifer grinned at the girls. “Another complicated one. Excellent.” To Cox, “I hope you change your mind. So, drinks?”

Elliot’s brain locked. “Hang on, let me check my list of things I want to cover...your therapist- Okay, just a couple quick things-“

“Shoot.”

“Er, would you be willing to do a urine test just to confirm you aren’t currently taking any antipsychotic or similar drugs? I’ll keep it discrete.”

“The alcohol content might be a little high, but I don’t see why not.”

“Any plant, animal, food or drug allergies?”

“None.”

“Drug interactions?”

“Oh, well this one time, I took three Ecstasy hits, a few magic mushrooms, and-“

She cut him off. “Not those kind, Satan.”

“Oh, then no.”

“Vitamin or other Supplements?”

“Nope.”

“Any special routines that Satan goes through? Horn waxing, etc?”

Dr. Cox interjected. “Oh, Jordan does that.”

“Dr.Cox!”

“Sorry, too easy. Had to.”

Lucifer huffed. “Do you see any horns? Honestly, half an hour at the bathroom mirror usually does it. I check my email.” He shrugged. “Once a week I look over the books at Lux, visit Dr. Martin. Have dry cleaning sent out and picked up.”

Elliot chewed her pen. “So, nothing super ‘Lucifery’?”

“Oh, well, recently I’ve killed the same person several times, but they won’t stay dead.”

“.....”

“It’s all right, he’s trying to die.”

Cox grunted. “Sounds like Newbie’s first few days.”

Lucifer finished off his flask. “So, are we good?”

Elliot thumbed her pages. “I think I have enough to start. Sure, go. I have more work to do. Molly?”

“I think I’ll join them. I want to see how this goes. For research purposes.”

Dr. Cox patted Lucifer. “First round is on me. Anyone who can fend off Newbie just be being around gets invited back anytime they want. Can’t imagine why you come back willingly, mind you, but there it is. Hey, you want to go mess with Laverne on the way out? I haven’t actually seen her head explode, but you, my friend, just might do it.”


End file.
